sometimes dreams come true

I'm a sucker for the formula in which someone who has been bullied or dismissd trimuphs.

altho I don't like the myriad of talent shows on tv these days a friend told me abt a You Tube video ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY )from a show calld "Britain's Got Talent." For some reason You Tube no longer allows it to be embedded & I can't get the link to work but do make the effort to look.

here's what Susan Boyle sd abt her life:
"I was born with a disability and that made me a target for bullies. I was called names because of my fuzzy hair and because I struggled in class. I told the teachers, but because it was more verbal than physical I could never prove anything. But words often hurt more than cuts and bruises and the scars are still there. I still see the kids I went to school with because we all live in the same area. They're all grown up with children of their own. But look at me now - I've got the last laugh...Mum loved the show and used to tell me I should put my name down and that I'd win it if I did. But I never thought I was good enough. It was only after she died that I plucked up the courage to enter. It was a very dark time and I suffered depression and anxiety. But out of the darkness came light. I realised I wanted to make her proud of me and the only way to do that was to take the risk and enter the show."

I keep watching this video again & again -- now mostly to observe that look of satisfaction on this woman's face.

a bit of snow

as Rita & I made our way to Easter brunch.

Reading Lady Murasaki in Plaza Entrada While Sipping a Mocha Frappuccino

            for Ray

it
doesn't matter
what country it
is
as long
as it is

229 Seventh St

someone who grew up in my hometown of Elyria has sent me a couple of e's today. in one he mentions the house where Sherwood Anderson lived.



the novelist & his family moved into this house in 1908. I took this polaroid in 1967 for an article I had written. I presume the house still exists. they first lived in a brick apartment building called The Gray which I remember showing David Meredith a few years ago.

memories

this has been a retrospective day.

map

David Hockney drew this in my travel journal on my 1st trip to Europe.

Jack Wrangler (1946-2009)

interview

I'm undergoing quite an adventure with Tom Beckett. he's tough & I'm cranky. so this is a bit of a challenge for each of us.

an april day

even tho the Doris movie I saw ce soir wasn't one of her best   she's always a joy to watch.

how lovely

to read what Steve Tills has to say abt It's All a Movie.

high winds

Green Panda bookmark

thx Bree . . .

this month

marks the 40th anniversary of my 1st chapbook:



there are only 3 poems in this little book which was publishd in an edition of 200 copies by Abraxas Press. there are 2 states to the cover. some are black ink on manilla card stock. others have blue added to the wave design (as above).

original price was a quarter.

ate

more pistachios. then caught Bess Flowers' quick bit in a '50s sci fi flick.

pistachio love

this afternoon I was thinking I shd write abt my joy at eating this nut. not only the taste but the process of cracking open the shell & swoping up the green treat.

then on the news just now I heard there is a pistachio recall.

if I don't post tomorrow you'll know I've been felld by salmonella.

counting strokes

I suspect if I knew anything abt golf I'd appreciate Steve Tills' new collection Rugh Stuff even more than I do. it's a book abt language & sex & play. golf is its apron. but the chef beneath is all balls out. a first reading is a romp. I bet the next will be complex.

"Balzac"

big lunch. little nap. woke with that name on my lips.

march madness

this is my apricot tree a bit ago. & we may get more snow during the day.

but this is nothing when I think of the calamity facing the residents of Fargo.

worn out

watchd "King Lear." can't remember when I've seen so much acting. at least I found a new actor to follow -- Philip Winchester.

today
the butterflies
migratd to forsythia

a neighbor visits

Jonathan uses the little bed I've made outside my diningroom door.

Caldo Verde Soup

          for Tom Beckett

the Italian owner of Stag Bar wd put his own spin on this Portuguese soup. Bert   my favorite waitress (we were allowd to use that term then) in all of Kent   wd serve it steaming. in memory it was probably chicken broth with potato   white cabbage   spinach   pepperoni.

for many years I lunchd several times a week at the Stag. usually alone. sometimes with Melville scholar Howard P. Vincent. other times with visiting poets & movie directors.

as far as I know the building still stands but it's been remodeld & I no longer know what it's calld. but the Stag Bar is indelible in my Kent memory bank. & I can still taste Eddie's soup.

observations

butterfly tasting apricot blossom

train refrain

neighbor pug with buddah face

celebrating spring

morning coffee in the little park across the arroyo. then to the grocery to purchase ruby trout which I'll broil for lunch.

more economic woes

looks like some poets & filmmakers -- among many other professors -- will be out of work in our town. College of Santa Fe will close in 2 months & it looks as if our legislature is unwilling to save it.

a major loss.

William Desmond Taylor

whisperd the name of his killer in my ear. the vowels were Spanish. he wants me to tell only Pedro Almodovar who will film the murder. I'll be listd in the credits as "technical consultant."

new broom

my dear old friend Roberta wrote from London abt my Spanish broom.

I've mentiond here that nature indeed is having the last word on the matter. several small volunteers are making progress. I just took this for Roberta. I hope you can see the wiry green stalks.



& there's a bit of my little daffodils which have lastd longer than usual this season.

l i t e

yard

work

for Jill Sobule

Delores Del Rio mural in Hollywood

today's plan

was to rest. but a simple house project escalatd. hours of organizing   cleaning   moving of heavy ojects   & I'm worn out again.

James Purdy (1923-2009)

hate to admit it

but this old guy is a little sore today.

digging a hole

neighbor Rita had a water leak on her outdoor drip system. so I just helpd her dig a 4 foot hole. now we await the plumber.

because

it's dark when I wake up now
I cd still enjoy the last of the full moon.

Busby's line

yesterday became today as I wrote abt the girls in the Berkeley production numbers.

last time

I saw Bill Rose was when he brought "The Loss of Nameless Things" to our 2004 film festival.
he just returnd with his newest doc "This Dust of Words."



as he wrote me this is "another story of thwarted promise." & it's another film to seek out. I have a feeling Elizabeth Wiltsee will haunt as much as Oakley Hall does.

I'm not a violent person but

I cd wring the neck of whoever inventd this time change crap.

Roger Shimomura at his opening at Eight Modern

winds

have been so bad that every time I leave the house I feel like Lillian Gish in that silent movie.

Batman lifts his teacup to Mark Young & sez

"holy lance of melancholy"

in a 10-minute period

this blog was visitd by people in Switzerland   Turkey   Spain.

sometimes
the productivity
of a minute
exceeds
that of
a whole day

in an afternoon

of tiredness I ate strawberries from Mexico. they had no taste. then I plantd seeds from pods I collectd from my parents' front yard in Ohio. I returnd to the kitchen to eat half a pink grapefruit from Texas. it was so tasty my face broke into a smile for the 1st time today.

spring cleaning

been working all weekend. mostly organizing closets. but in the process ridding myself of junque & making it easier to get at things.

Dad's trowel

another bookstore closing

A Different Light in West Hollywood

dream

the instructions for my life are on a piece of red paper lodgd in a crack in the wall beside my house. I pull it out   unfold it   & wake up.

I was a bad citizen

during the last administration. for the 1st time in my life I didn't watch a single presidential address during the entire 8 dreary years. seeing & hearing that man upset me in ways injurious to my health.

so I was pleasd to hear Obama's address last nite. finally a president with intelligence & ambition & vision.

the give & take of nature

you may recall my anguish last spring to learn my beloved Spanish Broom had sufferd death by gopher.

this afternoon while clearing some dried plants next to the front of the house I was excitd to see a few tiny Spanish Broom plants. I hope at least one of these volunteers may some day flourish.

yard work

for 2nd day in a row.

it's 60 & climbing. & my 1st daffodil is abt to burst open.

lunch on the blue swing

cold chicken
cole slaw

will Christian Bale present the Oscar for cinematography?

remembering

an old friend sent me a cheer package yesterday. one of the special items was this lobbycard for "Compulsion" which was releasd a half century ago. my scanner isn't big enuf to show the whole image. but we do see Diane Varsi with Orson Welles.

I met Varsi in San Francisco 31 years ago. she was a beautiful intelligent woman with many interests. her Hollywood debut as Lana Turner's daughter in "Peyton Place" brought her an Oscar nom. she developd a reputation as being difficult & suddenly left Hollywood. altho her film career continued on & off afterward she never regaind that initial momentum.

we once had a long phone conversation abt poetry. I no longer recall the details but it was apparent she knew what was happening in the literary world.

Varsi's last years were challenging ones with a myriad of health problems. she died at 54. the day after this year's Oscars is her birthday.

eyeglasses

2 very different auctions are looming. at one Ghandi's glasses will be sold. at another the pair with the paintd eyes used by Ernie Kovacs when he playd "poet" Percy Dovetonsils.

in my dream last nite

Arnold Schwartzenegger arrivd early at a university event I had palnnd. he was wearing black eyeliner.

in reality the 1st time I saw the future governor was at the American Film Institute salute to Bette Davis in Beverly Hills in 1977. he lookd ill at ease in an outsize tux & escortd a rich older woman. wink wink.

Venus

is amazing tonite.

"From the Heartland" (1978)

comings & goings

when I visit Winckles St I have to read both morning papers before Mom. she clips as she she reads. crossword puzzle goes to one neighbor   horoscope to another. she sends medical items to Dr. John & dog things to Bill Berger. I get show biz & writing as well as obits.

in today's mail was the obituary of David Fulford. many years ago he had the area's best summer stock theater. Canal Fulton Summer Arena was intimate enough that you cd become involvd. in addition to presenting such "normal" summer stock diet as Tab Hunter doing Neil Simon & George Nader as Mr. Roberts   Fulford challengd his audiences. I've already mentiond here Sal Mineo's jolting production of "End As a Man." there was also Mercedes MacCambridge in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf." & how cd I ever forget how beautiful Brandon DeWilde was when he playd Tom Jones.

the face on the locker room floor

as I was packing up to leave the gym this ayem I saw a penny on the floor. it's Abe's 200th birthday today. I like when those kinds of things happen.

finally some good news

Muzak has gone bankrupt.

party for Carmen's birthday (1989)

Henry Van Dyke


Bill Berger


Tom Beckett


P. Craig Russell with the infamous snatch shot

lift me to the tip of Sugar Loaf

one measure of the depth of my depression is the fact that I forgot that yesterday was Carmen Miranda's 100th birthday.



altho synchonistically she was on my mind & even in my e-mails.

2 decades ago I threw a big party for her 80th. one of the guests -- Tom Beckett -- referencd that joyous evening in "Prolegomena to the Study of Great Cartoons." if I summon the strength today I'll search for some of the photos.

Philip Carey (1925-2009)

chica chica boom chic

some time ago I mentiond here that historically a personal antidote to depression has been watching "I Love Lucy" reruns or a Carmen Miranda movie. & in yesterday's comments the Brazilian Bombshell came up again.

those who have copies of Gildzen at 50 have seen the photo of me placing a banana on Carmen's grave 21 years ago. on that trip to Rio I also visitd a musuem devoted to her & purchasd an album of her songs.

2 years after that I took the Grave Line Tour in Hollywood.



the limo pickd us up on a side street next to Grauman's Chinese which I think disappeard when the Hollywood & Highland construction took place. we were driven to spots where stars died. this was the house in Beverly Hills where Carmen died.



in 1998 I visitd the new Carmen Miranda Square at Hollywood Blvd & Orange. the woman lives on & never fails to cheer me.

what a world

the rodent pope takes tea with one of his minions who doesn't believe the Holocaust happend. Mormons spent over $22 million to back Prop 8. Shepard Fairey has been arrestd for making art. Trudy Steuernagel was beaten to death by her son. reports are that rats & roaches are dryroastd at Peanut Corp of America. a woman with too many children burdens the world with octuplets. Ted Haggard cast his penis for his very own dildo. & Bernie Madoff still isn't in jail.

go west young man

this Kodachrome print I suspect was taken from a slide. I was 11 when my Eastern Heights classmates & I were photographd as part of a project on the western states. I'm the one holding the totem pole. my recollection is that we did our research for a presentation to parents.

as someone who now lives in the southwest the one item in this photo that's of interest to me is the kachina being held by the Girl Scout.

the passage

in "Foolish Wives" in which Dale Fuller locks a pair of would-be lovers in a room then sets the place on fire is an entire world.

Fuller becomes one of the silent screen's greats with this moment. we see not just madness in her eyes but a whole life condensd into a few moments of acting.

von Stroheim's 1922 million-dollar classic creaks a bit but has delicious moments. & it makes me want to see more of Fuller. some say her best performance was another at the hands of von Stroheim. but most of her footage in "Greed" has disappeard. she seems a woman worth rediscovering. her mother was a western legend -- the first female stage coach driver while still in her teens. & Dale began on screen doing Keystone comedies before her work with von Stroheim & Lubitsch.

another closing

Oscar Wilde Bookshop

Buddy Holly (1936-1959)

blog alert

"I'm photographing LA. -- All of it."

so says Kevin McCollister. I try to make a daily stop at his blog Jimson Weed Gazette. he's a former Ohioan who obviously loves the city of angels. he makes no apologies for being a completely digital photographer. claims he's more Whitman than Ansel Adams.

quiet day

with no football

early spring

a sweet friend sent me these shirts to cheer me up.

my heart sings.

update

"Dad's Last Garden"

on my last trip to Boston

I went to Brandeis for the 1st time. I specifically wantd to see the surrealism show at Rose Art Museum.

this morning I read that the university announcd this week that it will close the museum & sell its collection of 6000 pieces.

staggering news for the art world.

of course there is fury on that campus & perhaps something can be done to stop such dramatic action. but its very suggestion is stunningly depressing at a moment in our history when depression is as common as salmonella.

beet juice & cocoa powder

some of the ingredients for

red velvet cake.

in other words

happy birthday Bob.

howlerama

our spring weather got whackd today when winds lowerd our temps. this is my weekly boys nite out & I'm putting on a sweater & winter jacket.

my year of stress & sorrow

continues to manifest itself with dark dreams. mostly abt Dad suffering.

the liberation of my cheese

on his blog Tom Beckett confesses.

food & art

"Intake" is a new project of Kimberly Nichols. I was honord that she askd me to contribute.

a gig at GiG

Larry Mitchell


Joel Fadness

picture Barbara Stanwyck on a Blackberry

go back to "Sorry Wrong Number." it's her big scene. suddenly a sound. it isn't vibrating. it isn't the opening chords of a pop tune. it's loud. it's clear. it's a telephone.



film freezes time. I love the now   the new. but as I approach my last act there's a comfort that comes from the past. when I hear telephones or see runningboards or experience any number of adventures obliterartd by technology I almost tingle.

lying-in

there's a scene in "The Other Boleyn Girl" in which a pregnant woman takes to bed to insure a safe delivery.

altho it's hardly customary for me   I have performd a variation of that with poem pangs. after all these decades I still have little comprehension of the birthing of poems. but recently something was happening that I knew wd be a poem. so I stretchd out on the couch & closd my eyes till it workd its way out.

lifting the funk

it seems Richard that we all are balancing the peaks & valleys. if we hold hands maybe we won't all fall at the same time.

"Hunting for Bess Flowers"

she’s everywhere

Chaplin unwrappd her
Wilder gave her a notepad
Hitchcock a poodle

Bess drank more cocktails
than anyone in film
she dined at Sardi’s & Ernie’s
danced for Mitchell Leisen & Bobby Lewis

I’ve been spotting her
for half a century

* * *



where in The Cantos
is her walk-on?

surely no extra
was ever as “trim-coifed”

* * *

Bess’ place
is Hollywood

so I can’t
find her in
Paterson or
The Maximus Poems

* * *



Alexander Mackendrick put
Bess in Toots Shor’s

so she cd’ve been
in Lunch Poems

O’Hara
mentions “Swingtime”
but names Ginger
not Bess

* * *

Dorn daren’t
put her in Slinger

too gay

* * *

so far
I’ve only
read
500 pages
of Dillinger
so maybe
Moore
has used
Bess

* * *

I confess
I confuse
movies & poems

* * *
put her snippets
together

a bouquet
whose aroma permeates
my life

new chapbook

my Elizabeth Short pieces from Green Panda Press (3174 Berkshire Rd. Cleveland OH 44118)

1 & 44

I took both of these last year.

on the eve of history

I already postd what was probably the most important photograph from my first trip to Washington.

but with all the televiewing I've been doing these days this one came to mind & means the most to me. I was 13 & my father photographd me in front of the Lincoln statue.

painting walls

1st time I've seen Obama in jeans

watching

the Lincoln Memorial inaugural concert I was struck by a moment of symbolism.

footage was shown of Marian Anderson's historic concert. & then the song she sang was then sung by the Gay Mens Chorus of Washington.

inaugural weekend

the part of me that functions as witness to history wants to be in Washington these next 4 days. but the part of me that's getting older finds the prospect of standing in the cold with 2 million people a daunting task.

at least I did attend an inauguration -- the first Clinton one.



as a matter of history I think the Obama inauguration may be the most important since Kennedy's. but -- regardless of history's final verdict on Clinton -- I have no regrets abt being there. at least I have one inauguration under my belt. & that whole weekend was pretty amazing. the outdoor concert with Diana Ross swooping on stage in a huge red gown. the fireworks that nite. the tents on the mall where you cd hear Peter Paul & Mary or the Staple Singers. & of course that moment of the swearing in.



then the parade. not only the new president & members of his party but also Chief Justice Rehnquist & recently disgraced Ted Stevens.



it was a moment in history & I was right there.

from the archives

I always felt this was a lovely shot of Mom. & I like the way snapshots of that day were printd with borders.

hearing of

the downing of a US Air jet into the waters of NYC today brought back memories of another US Air jet that went into those waters nearly 17 years ago.

today's story is a miracle. at this hour it seems as if all passengers survivd. the 1992 crash had some survivors but many deaths. & 2 of those were members of the Kent State family.

Michael Mould was an honor student who performd Shakespeare on campus with future stars Mark Setlock & Marc Andreyko. he also composd the music for Andreyko's staging of Wilde's "Salome."

Douglas Radcliff-Umstead was a professor of foreign languages & author of Birth of Modern Comedy in Renaissance Italy.

both deaths were commemoratd by artists who knew the dead. P. Craig Russell did this drawing of Mould:



& Tony Trigilio wrote "Elegy for a Poet" in memory of Radcliff-Umstead.

the dead remain our companions.

it's the economy

there are 2 cinemateques in town. my favorite (& within walking distance of my house) is The Screen. it's in Greer Garson Studios on campus of College of Santa Fe. followers of this blog will have seen photos I took there of such cinematic notables as Laszlo Kovacs & Vilmos Zigmund   Gerard Malanga & Marsha Hunt.

the college is in such financial plight (some $30 million in debt)that earlier this week Highlands University agreed to take it over if the state legislature approves. but for now The Screen is closing. one hopes some day it'll reopen but too often wishes are spittle.

once again my dreams

became a crossroads between the living & the dead.

in my waking dream Gerald Mast -- who in life was a great scholar of film -- was a glass artist. I went to his studio & pickd out a wall piece which also was a working clock. I gave it to Regina as a present. Regina -- a child psychologist -- told me it was a clock for children & didn't work at all in her house.

then I had Gerald himself -- along with an assistant (much like the "assistant" he brought on his final overnite visit to my house years ago) -- come to Elyria to install the piece at my parents' home. (when Gerald taught at Oberlin he sometimes came to Elyria to dine at the Paradise). Mother immediately disliked the piece much to Gerald's displeasure. he left & I woke before negotiating the fate of the glass clock.

from the archives

with my parents on Lake St in Kent more than 40 years ago

"No Greater Glory"

I've always wantd to see this Frank Borzage film because it features my friend Lois Wilson.

her fame remains in the silent era. it was a time when the prevalent acting style allowd divas to claw scenery with such gusto that some don't enjoy silent films because they've only seen those performers. Lois tended to underplay. her great roles were Lulu Bett   Daisy Buchanan   Molly Wingate. her voice & lack of mannerisms allowd her to succeed in the transition to talkies. but she soon was appearing in support. she was often cast as a mother. among the actresses who playd her daughter were Bette Davis   Shirley Temple   Virginia Mayo.

"No Greater Glory" had its TCM debut last nite. the part Lois has is small but powerful. a classic maternal role. I'm happy the film is getting some attention.

Tom O'Horgan (1926-2009)

a line

from the Jenny McPhee novel I'm reading slappd me so hard tears fell from my eyes & wet my lips. somehow I finishd the chapter then pulld on my winter coat. I walkd past flokati rotting under snow to "Dad's Last Garden" completely under white. then to the graves of my cats.

I crossd the foot bridge over the arroyo & walkd to the park in Plaza Entrada. I sat on a cold metal bench & rememberd back a half century. Susan Kirby in her coffin. what wd she have done with these 50 some years?

the neighborhood motel had a sign: "Bye bye. Come back soon." I enterd the office to ask when they were closing. the woman at the desk look puzzld & sd they weren't. I suggestd new signage.

a stop at my local grocery. small tomatoes in a mesh bag. $2.99. I surveyd the shelves of tea   each box sadder than its neighbor   but found no gloom curative. then I followd my own footprints back. I have a last chapter to read.

CAROLE LANDIS
COME REST YR HEAD ON MY LAP

        for Roman Tymchyshyn

morning snow
on flokati
is a snood
that holds
yr hair

we've both
been cold

smile once more
for me