there was a time

when I wantd my ashes thrown from the footbridge near my house into Arroyo Chamisa. then I moved.

that made me rethink this whole eternity business. I realized I've always loved cemeteries.  so I decided perhaps I shd pick one for myself. & quickly I got the idea for Hollywood Forever.  altho I've never physically lived there I have imaginatively.

today my friend Gary Sielaff drove me thru those gates. I met with lovely Noelle Berman who introduced us to Tyler Cassity -- long a hero to me for his role in preserving this famous cemetery. then she took us on a tour showing me possible locations.

Gary & I then went back to look while I made up my mind.  I cd've had a spot directly under Holly Woodlawn but decided no.

before we went back to Cathedral Masoleum I stopped at the grave of young actor Anton Yelchin. his mother was nearby & when she approachd we shook hands & I offerd my condolences.

then I pickd my niche. I'd walkd past it often on my way to see the grave of Rudolph Valentino. it felt like an appropriate place for my last act.

on the rocks

hiking was an important part of my life in Santa Fe. in the 9 months I've lived in Palm Springs I've been too busy to add that to my repertoire here. but today I joined some of my old New Mexico hiking buddies & others for a 6-mile hike in Joshua Tree.

the downside was it was much too windy. the first hour was especially unpleasant.  but toward the end the wind was at our backs & that old excitement returnd. 

friends from the old days will recall I always had my picture taken on or beside rocks. so I continued that tradition today.

& my pal Ed decided to walk across this skinny train track. the wind was so bad it threw him off balance & he ended up crawling.  but he's safe & it's a fun story.

resist

publisher William Allegrezza is sending a copy of each of our chapbooks to the White House. I'm sure no one there will read a word. but with luck they'll get to Comey so we'll all be on the FBI's shit list.

I took the cover photo at Santa Fe Pride a few years ago.

& it's so appropriate that this was publishd today -- the day of the Stonewall rally.

atheletic support

there was news last year that I didn't get til today. Bike jockstrap has been discontinued.

some reading this won't care. you may click off now.  but I have a hunch a good many others will.

the jockstrap was inventd in the late 19th century & Bike was the original brand. it has served well over the years to protect -- & often titillate -- generations of boys & men.

in this photo taken at a party in Santa Fe a couple years ago I'm wearing the black Bike jockstrap that has appeard in several of my pieces. I refer to it as "the Canyon Club jockstrap" because that's where I found it. it has layers of meaning for me & now takes on even more importance with this sad news.

vest

Marconi Calindas took this of me at his gallery last nite. my first wearing of the painting I commissiond.

Marta Becket (1924-2017)

in just one week

the new president has turnd the White House into an outhouse. he must be thrown out immediately.  he's done too much damage already.

year of the cock

happy Chinese New Year

on my new kitchen wall: Bernique Longley's rooster painting & a wooden piece from Mom's collection

& this was the kitchen shelf on Winckles St which held part of her chicken collection. I gave  a box of them to Geri & John Burroughs.

not sure

which is worse: State Department resignations or Mexican fiasco. but coming on the same day it underscores the need for the Trump presidency to end now.

problem -- shd be go to jail or a mental hospital.

not my president

he lost the election in a landslide
but
the system was manipulated
by FBI & Russia

today
I feel shame
& fear

resist

"study in black & orange
(to protest the inauguration)"

"When We Rise"

is the gay "Roots." it airs on ABC next month. it's timely that it comes into view so early in the dread regime of the next president as he & the confederacy of dunces he's appointd to his cabinet attempt to strip all the rights my community has faught so long for.

a delicious footnote is that Rosie O'Donnell appears in the mini-series as the legendary Del Martin. this woman who was so vilified by the candidate in the most despicable campaign in recent memory plays against type.

I'm particularly proud that the opening segment of the series had its world premiere in my new hometown last nite. hundreds of Palm Springs residents took to the streets to protest the election. & if the president elect & his followers think we'll be silent let them be warnd. we will rise again.

with the writer/producer of the series Dustin Lance Black at the after party (photo by Dennis DeGroot)

road trip

Casa del Desierto (Barstow)

Bagdad Cafe (Newberry Springs)

ghost town (Calico)

a new friend

Howard Sayette found me on Facebook thru a mutual friend. he moved here 10 days before I did. today we shared pad thai & stories of lives on & off the stage.

Palm Springs International Film Festival

what a year

Mom died

I moved

a madman lost the election in a landslide but will still become president

Antebellum Gallery (2005-2016)

as if this year didn't have enuf deaths word comes from Hollywood of the closing of this important spot. it wasn't just a gallery -- showing works by artists like Eddie Jelinet & JC Gonzo -- but it was a meeting place for people willing to look at the dark side.

here I am with gallery owner Rick Castro -- famous fetish photographer & co-director of "Hustler White" -- on my first visit in 2011.

& in the notorious Tony Ward Toilet:

but my best memory was my first Hollywood reading:



& here is Rick -- who featured tea salons there -- with my gift of Mom's miniature teapot & napkins picturing teapots.

the death of any gallery is sad. but with the turn toward hate of the coming administration we more than ever need places like Antebellum. I am happy to have been a part of this cultural & social phenomenon but teary to see it end.

listening to Thelma Ritter (yes singing) & eating a grapefruit I just pickd from my tree

Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917-2016)

as a boy I liked her. in fact this portrait is one her studio sent me when I wrote for movie star pictures back in the '50s.

as we both got older I outgrew her. I sourd on Zsa Zsa's dismal politics & obvious quest for money & celebrity. she became a joke. but by the very end I felt sorry for her. she lived too long.

in another age she wd've been calld a courtsesan. but for our time the label ranged from "actress" to "gold digger." & as easy as it is to dismiss her one must remember that she did make films for Welles & Huston & Minnelli.

every time I went to the airport in Albuquerque from the freeway I'd see that wonderful old downtown hotel where Gabor honeymoond with Conrad Hilton. & when I see her in costume as Jane Avril or Rosalie I smile for my long-ago boyhood.

this morning

cereal in one of Julia Waida's bowls

coffee in Dad's General Industries mug

starting to feel like home

abt a brick

here is the first poem in my suite "Towns from Trains" :

            Barstow  CA

startld awake at 4 in the morning

I see from my window

arches of Casa del Desierto

"I must be in Spain"   I think

then turn over

to dream of Cordova

                                  
the reason I return to this 1997 piece is this:

my neighbor Estee Huff gave me this brick because we had a long discussion which involved among other things the Harvey Girls. an earthquake apparently shook loose some bricks from Casa del Desierto which was the Harvey House in Barstow.  they were sold to make money for the reconstruction. because of our conversation (& the brick in my atrium piece) she bought bricks for herself & me.

rarely do people respond to my work in such a creative way. I was moved by her insight & generosity.

art

isn't so much abt where I want to hang it
but where it wants to be hung

life in Palm Springs

this morning I postd an "I Love Lucy" clip on a friend's Facebook page. shortly thereafter I walkd down the block to my grocery store. & who shd roll her cart past mine but Lucie Arnaz.

the Carradines

Robert

Calista

Lupita Tovar (1910-2016)

I used to see her at Hollywood events. & then I met her in Santa Fe when she came for a film festival. a lovely woman.

where do we go now

unite. never.

respect this racist. never.

when George W. Bush was inaugurated I wore a black armband.  I felt so alone. I hope that when this monster is inaugurated I will be able to join thousands across the country in demonstrations.

all day yesterday I was full of fear & anger & depression. then the young people took to the streets last nite. it was glorious. we can't listen to the pundits who faild us who now normalize this vulgarian who didn't win the majority of votes. we must challenge him daily.

2016

the year I lost my mother & my country 

Palm Springs Pride Parade

with Brian Justin Crum
(photo by Tony Mataras)

Del Shores

with Ed Patterson

absent

I realize I've been neglecting the blog. I do post daily on Facebook. but I find myself thinking less abt what to present here.

Facebook feels like e-mail for everyone. here it seems I'm writing a letter to friends.

maybe when the remodel on my condo is done & I settle into some sort of routine I'll get back to regular postings.

think pink

photo by Omer Sharif

Trump is insane

his campaign probably began because he was mad at Obama for ridiculing him in public. from the beginning he was a clown. but as his lack of knowledge became clear & his bullying turnd into hate the whole campaign was a joke. but the leaders of the Republican party allowd him to continue.

along the way the stand-up comic turnd out to be a sociopath. still too many of his party leaders supportd him. he didn't begin to get any real critical examination until he reveald himself to be a sexual predator.

however yesterday was simply too much even for Trump. it's not just that he has no decency it's that he doesn't even know what decency is. he is the most dangerous person to run for the presidency in modern times. 

& perhaps the biggest tragedy of this election is that predictions are he will get 50 million votes.

not a clown.  not a creep. but a crazy man. & one who may receive 50 million votes.

the season begins

in Palm Springs it takes til oct to begin cooling down. & with that comes more activities.

tonite was the first artwalk in the Backstreet art district. of special interest to me was the opening of Tom Ross Gallery which for years had been on Canyon Rd. the vibe at all the galleries was exciting & did remind me of those first days I lived in Santa Fe.

(photo by Tony Mataras)

happy birthday

just called my friend John Ericson on his 90th

Cinema Diverse

with Michael Carroll Green who once again put together a sterling edition of one of the nation's premier lgbt film festivals

with the Payson brothers ("Throuple")











with 3 actors with 3 names: Alec Manley Wilson / Justin Xavier Smith / Christopher Grant Pearson ("Shared Rooms")

with director Casper Andreas who had 2 films in the festival

Melina

my precious girl died 10 years ago today

Edward Albee (1928-2016)

my memory is that I read Albee before seeing his plays. I think it was my freshman year. the teacher was Stanley Solomon. "The Zoo Story" was a slap.

some years later I saw the playwright for the first time -- cruising at Julius. I recall being jealous of the boy with whom he left. a couple years after that I was the object of his cruising -- on the streets of Manhattan. but it was a fun game that went nowhere.

over the years I saw many productions of many of his plays. & then I lost interest in him as an artist. what I shd do now is go back to all his plays to reassess the whole career. he derves that.

a difficult day

my mother was born 95 years ago in a suburb of Akron. this is her first birthday since her death. usually I'm in Ohio celebrating with her.

line from a dream

"an hallucination of birds"

Hugh O'Brian (1925-2016)

I've told this story before but I never tire of it.

the summer I was 16 I went to Cain Park to see Bob Hope. also appearing on stage with him was Hugh O'Brien. afterward I was looking for Hope to get an autograph.  somehow I managed to get backstage. & there I found an open door. I went in. it turnd out to be a dressing room & there was O'Brien looking glorious in nothing but his tighty whities. I no longer recall what I said but that image of him has been a powerful visual all my life.