alone

yes. I admit it. I cried myself to sleep. not having her cuddle beside me was overwhelming. & when I woke too early this morning & groggily wonderd why there was an absence of paw against my cheek the reality came accompanied by tears. but it wasn't till I stumbld into the bathroom & saw her box wasn't there that I broke out in sobs.

I need to tell a story abt yesterday. the photo in my post of us sharing the chair was taken in summer of 04 by Regina who came to enjoy Melina on her last few visits. the vet with her bag of lethal needles was supposd to arrive yesterday at noon. precisely at that moment the phone rang. it was Regina in Boston knowing that she had to call to ask abt Melina. similarly I receivd e's from David McDaniel in NYC & James Robert Parish in LA letting me know that without prompting from me they were getting thots abt Melina's welfare during what they didn't know were her last days of illness.

so this awful morning I'm going to shave & shower & head to farmers market. I can't stand to be here all alone.