Palm Springs International Film Festival

 here are a couple of photos I took at last nite's awards gala.

in both actresses hold their Chihuly-designd award while hugging their presenter.

                                Amanda Seyfried & Ethan Hawke

                                Kate Hudson & Rob Marshall

Capodanno 2026 Palm Springs

 last nite: dinner at my neighbors. followd by a little poetry reading (at her request) which began with "Capodanno 1984   Venezia." I brought along the mask from Taverna La Fenice.

this morning: out of bed at 4:44. start load of laundry. morning exercises. squeeze half a grapefruit from tree outside bedroom window. check mail (celebrity obits & junk). spoon of Hemet honey. take off Monterey Bay Inn robe. put on white speedo. head to pool to greet the Andrews Sisters but stop'd by rain. return to put on Elyria sweatshirt & rippd jeans. breakfast of cereal in one of Julia's bowls & dark roast in Trevor's naked men mug.

after one of the darkest years in our nation's history I'm ready for a new year to bring justice against the criminals who spread hate in the name of religion & to restore dignity to a country nearly undone by fascism.

ho ho ho

                         Higbee's   Cleveland   1947

                                     Market Market   Palm Springs    2025

obituary for a gay landmark

 I first stayd at Canyon Club in 2013. on a visit the following year I found a black Bike jockstrap there. I'm wearing it now.

I'm wearing it because the gay clothing optional resort a block away from the Poet's Bench is closing. word is that the new owners will refurbish it but also degay it. this follows the shutting down of so many gay places of fable & merriment. soon young gays won't know what clothing optional resorts were. maybe gay bars too. thank you internet.

yes the physical quality of the place was in decline but it has many stories to tell.

my dear friend Bob took a great photo there of 2 naked men walking side by side toward the maze. not so long after a smidgen of his ashes were scatterd in that maze. & a sprig of the shrub above those ashes is now in my piece "box of little bags." when I did my piece "Bob Loves Lucy" I put one of the stamps in a locker one passes to get to the maze.

Canyon Club makes several appearances in Alex in Movieland. & this jockstrap shows up in several poems. one of them I read (with the jock hanging beside me) in Steven Reigns' "Subversive Ink" video in 2020.  I also made a little film of me reading a poem abt the maze while walking in the maze (available on You Tube).

in my last Santa Fe photo shoot JC Gonzo shot me both in & out of the jockstrap. also a circle of cord from the resort now rests in my piece "Billy's Chest."

strangely while writing this I sippd coffee from a random mug. as if it were meant to happen I realizd I unknowingly reachd for a mug I bought at another gay clothing optional resort -- Elysium in Fort Lauderdale. out of curiosity I goggld it & shockingly discoverd that it too recently shutterd.

so as the doors of Canyon Club close I present this as a way of keeping its memory alive for future generations. & tonite I'll slip out of this jockstrap hoping it still has some adventures ahead.

                                                    

                                    still from "Subversive Ink" (2020)

    

                        my favorite of the photos I took at Canyon Club

                         from "Billy's Chest."  see above photo for reference.

                           cover of my coloring book. orange building on the left is Canyon Club.                

Thxgiving

 it's no secret that I enjoy time on the patio chatting with birds & lizards. but today was special. I was sitting in the last of the day's sun when a rabbit poked out of the big bush which birds live in. he stoppd when he saw me. I began to speak quietly & slowly. his ears twitchd but he stayd in place. he didn't engage but finally felt comfortable enuf to sniff around for fallen berries. I tried to be cheerful. he appeard to not really care what I was saying. & finally he skippd by right in front of me.

it felt good to have met a potential new friend.

my Sherwood Anderson sonnet

 

                                                       Toucan (Winter 1968)         

a milestone addition

 near the entrance to Budman Studio is a vessel full of marbles. Jim invites visitors to take one. I see that as an art piece.

of course I was eager to have one. I chose a small one knowing immediately that I'd put it in "box of little bags." that piece began in 2018 when I found a penny in the sauna at my gym. as I baggd & labeld the Budman marble I realizd it's the 100th item in my work.

I love when art overlaps.

letters

 they've always been important to me. & the archivist in me developd at an early age because I saved them.

in my collection at Kent State the first letter in that vast holding was from the children's writer Lois Lenski. she was responding to a fan letter I wrote to her at age 10.

unfortunately a downside of technology is our group abandonment of letter writing. it's all quick e-mails. & yes I'm guilty too. so when I got a real letter yesterday I was thrilld. & its content elevatd my excitement.

I consider my gift of nearly 40 pieces from my art collection to the Allen Museum on the campus of Oberlin College to be one of the good things I've done in life. I will always cherish the memory of my first visits there. my first exposure to real art. to know that from time to time a piece that once adornd my walls is now on view for many makes me feel good.

I hope you don't find it immodest of me to share this letter but I'm feeling rather proud.

over the years

 I've had ideas for books that still rattle in my head but rarely leave that place.

one mite be calld "Witness to History." I envision a group of chapters each focusing on the life of someone who accidentally saw something everyone remembers. & how being a footnote to history effectd the rest of that person's life. the impetus came from Mary Ann Vecchio. she was 14 years old when her image became iconic. she was "the girl in the photo" when she was on the Kent State campus at the moment of the murders.

the second person whose life I wantd to consider was Betty Bersinger. she was the one who discoverd the body of Elizabeth Short. if you know my work you know I've had an enduring fascination with the Black Dahlia case.

just tonite I learnd that Bersinger died 2 years ago at the age of 103. although she gave some interviews during her life she was reportd to have spent periods when she tried to avoid any connection to the famous case.

I know that book will never be written by me but I'd love to read it. & I gladly give the idea to anyone who wishes to do the research.

sorry

 for my absence.

I'm not sure why I've been away from here. I cd blame it on the discomfort I feel living in a country going down the toilet. but I still post regularly on social media. if you really miss me you can check in on FB & IG.

I don't know how to catch up. perhaps a glance back at this past weekend. it was our annual Pride on the Page. a chance to hear & connect with LGBT writers. & there was a poetry reading. I remember when they were such an important part of my life. now less frequent. this reading had a half dozen poets. for me the most powerful was Steven Reigns who did a selection from his new book Outliving Michael.

if I were Paul Metcalf

 I'd write a piece abt the 2 Edith Wilsons I saw as a boy. their stories. how they overlapped (or didn't). & how those biographies resonated with the history of our nation.

Edith Bolling Galt Wilson. perhaps the most powerful First Lady.

Edith Wilson. jazz singer who for years portrayd Aunt Jemima.

Cinema Diverse

 is not just one of the best gay film festivals but one of the best film festivals. this is its 18th year. & this year I finally became a sponsor. one reason is to pay back for all the years of richness it's given me.

but I also feel a responsibility in these dark times to support the arts. as the slide into a dictatorship has become quicker I fear for the well being of the LGBTQ community & the future of the arts.

this weekend & next I'll stay away from the news & see film after film.

my getaway

 travel has lost its appeal. with age I have less patience. while I may still desire being other places the getting there increases my anxiety levels.

but this past weekend I did my first overnite since the Big Birthday Road Trip. I visitd the Dana Point home of dear friend Estee. & we were really busy.

I'll highlight a trio of adventures.

walking the beach of an ocean is both intense & calming. the feel of the water on bare feet & the fresh smell are intoxicating.

Archive for New Poetry at UC San Diego is one of the world's preeminent collections. it's an honor for me to be part of it. Estee drove me to La Jolla so we cd go to the famous Geisel Library to see where ANP is housed. special collections director Lynda Claassen gave us a tour. I gave her 2 more pieces to add to my collection there. it made me feel proud.

on my final nite there we were lucky to get last minute seats for Festival of Arts' gala to support Pageant of the Masters in Laguna Beach. special guest was actor Jason Ritter. we arr'd as he was being photographd on the red carpet. afterward a girl askd for his autograph. I observd & when he was finishd I calld his name. he lookd at me & I told him that I'd met his grandfather (singing cowboy & actor Tex Ritter) when I was a boy. he came close as I spoke & seemd delightd to hear my story of his grandfather's appearance in Lorain OH 70 years ago. later I learnd that the fellow in the background of this photo is his brother Tyler who is also an actor. I love the looks on their faces.

Terence Stamp (1938-2025)

I was staying at one of the bungalows beside the pool at Chateau Marmont in the fall of 1998.  that famous pool where Garbo did laps. where legend claims Tab met Tony.  I slippd on a speedo & walkd the few steps from my front door to the pool. there was someone else there.  I cautiously got in trying not to get too close to the other guest. but I got close enuf to discover that it was Terence Stamp.  I sd "good morning" & allowd him to do his thing. after a bit he nodded "bye" as he got out. he walkd to where his towel was & removed his suit to dry off.  I tried to remain calm & not stare but kept thinking "my god.... I've just seen Billy Budd naked."

I took this at a Hollywood festival of his films

 

I love how my pieces spill over each other. 

my work has always been abt connections.

sometimes it's a whisper. 

sometimes a shout.

"kiss today goodbye"

 all weekend the internet was taken over by the 50th anniversary of "A Chorus Line" opening on Broadway. I was one of the lucky ones. I first saw that great musical in its original staging at the Public Theater. from almost the beginning it was sold out. but I got in because one of its creators -- James Kirkwood Jr. -- gave me one of his house seats. & there I was sitting next to him while theater history was being made.

Jimmy was the son of silent screen stars Lila Lee & James Kirkwood. lovely Lila had her share of troubles. so her son came to my home town to live with his aunt for a few years. he graduatd from Elyria High School 19 years before I did. (one of his classmates lived next door to my parents.) 

I was in high school when Jimmy came to town to visit his aunt. of course I met him. he signd my copy of Daniel Blum's Pictorial History of Television -- just as his mother had signd by copies of Blum's volumes on the silents & the talkies.

his Aunt Peg gave me some of her theater books (she had appeard on Broadway opposite Al Jolson) as well as photos from her brief time in Hollywood. one was a striking photo of Nita Naldi who playd the other woman in "Blood and Sand" in which Lila was Valentino's wife. it had a sweet inscription to Jimmy.  I had it on my walls for years. when I went to Buffalo for the try-out of his play "P.S. Your Cat is Dead" I brought it as a gift. I felt he really shd have it again.

here is a detail from the poster of that show. the pen he was using faild & he finishd signing in another. the ink from the first has faded so badly it's nearly gone. but it says "Alex -- with appreciation -- I mean coming to Buffalo is beyond THE CALL OF DUTY."  seeing that always reminds me of the Buffalo line he put in the other show he was working on then -- "A Chous Line."

I'm sure he wd've been so excitd to know so many people still care abt "ACL."

a little play abt writing a play

 from Wanderbuch :

                                                                                                10 aug 86: Charlemont

Scene: The kitchen & adjoining study in the Berkshires farmhouse of a playwright.

Time: Morning.

Jean-Claude (seatd in front of a word processor in his study): Give me an Italian name.

Alex (pouring hot water into an ironstone cup): Marcello.

Jean-Claude: No. People wd think Mastroianni.

Alex: Giuseppe.

Jean-Claude: Too long.

Alex: Paolo.

Jean-Claude: Hmmmmmmmm. Short & soft. (He types the name on the machine.)

Alex: (Dunks an Earl Grey teabag in the cup.)

                                                    *.    *.    *

after J-C leads David & I in yoga exercises   followed by a watermelon feast   he reads the newest version of the opening of "The Traveller." this time the traveller addresses the audience directly which he didn't last nite.  I smile when the Joe Chaikin character talking on the phone to an Italian reporter addresses him as Paolo.

                                                        

                       

                               (Jean-Claude's cats cuddle beside my Wanderbuch 2)

full circle

 in the fall of 1965 I was enrolled in the masters program at Kent State's English Department. one of the classes I had was with a fellow by the name of Bob Carothers fresh from getting his bachelor's degree from Edinboro University. we became study buddies & then friends.

a year later he & his wife joind me & my partner along with Jacob & Mary Leed   Linda Lyke & her husband   & Jerrald & Pat Ranta to form a collective which we calld Standing Rock Press. together we actually bought a huge heavy press which we stored in the basement of a bar in town.  my memory is that very little got printd on the press & we eventually sold it. later in its life the press became a part of Kent lore when it was used by various activist groups (I think even SDS).

as young poets Bob & I were involved in the thriving literary scene in northern Ohio at that time. we read together & publishd both locally & nationally. I no longer remember which of us decided to start our own magazine. but together we co-editd the first issue of Toucan which came out in may of 1967.

along the way I got tired of studying & left the Ph. D. program. Bob got his. & we each went abt our lives.

along the way Bob became president of University of Rhode Island from 1991-2009 -- longer than anyone else at that institution. & when that university built a new library they named it the R. L. Carothers Library.

if you're one of my regular readers here you know I've been working on what I call my Legacy Project -- finding appropriate homes for the last remaining copies I have of my publications. I only had one complete run of Toucan & it already had Bob's name on it. I think we co-editd the first 2 issues together. so I wrote to the director of Special Collections at the R. L. Carothers Library to see if they had the magazine.  they didn't. I offered to send my set. they were happy. & having it safely there makes me happy.

(photo by Hannah Charron)

in circles

 the flooding in Texas hit hard. one of the reasons is the reporting on Camp Mystic. that brought memories of boyhood summers at Camp Iss See Kes -- the YMCA camp in Amherst. so I got out  my earliest photo album & there were my photos. then I did an online search & discoverd that the main building there was calld Rotary Lodge. here's the photo I took of my cabin mates & counselors in front of it in 1951.

I also learnd that it was the idea of Ralph Murbach (1888-1987) -- a founding member of Elyria's chapter of the Rotary Club.  he was the local coal dealer who added building supplies to his store whose customers included my father.

I met Ralph's grandson John years later. in the 1990s I became part of a group of gay men interested in "Music / Art / Books" who met online & calld ourselves the MABsters. after a quarter century I remain friends with some of them. actually 2 of them were/are among the best friends of my life.

in conversations I mentiond being from Elyria & one of the members told me that that was his roommate's hometown as well.  the next time I went to Chicago where they lived I met them. that was the only time I met John -- a prominent set designer who workd with Wisdom Bridge & Center Theatre. 

but the story goes deeper. it turns out a cousin of John's was a high school classmate of mine. but even more significantly he had been a lover of an actor with whom I had an important connection. he shared details of our mutual friend's death that I didn't know.  

people & events overlap. I understand that & try to capture those reverberations in my work.

forget the fireworks