those birds

 when I saw the birds yesterday I was thinking that the ravens were acting like vultures.

this morning I learnd that they were indeed vultures..... doing that sinister circling they do. apparently our ill weather brought them to town.

rainy day

 on my way home from the store I saw a swirl of ravens menacing the gray sky. as I walkd I passd a couple of codgers. they too were looking upward. one sd to the other: "it's like a new Hitchcock film."  I was delightd that the master is still rememberd.

 

"A" in cement

in 1946 my parents rentd a small house on Lexington Ave in Elyria. that summer Dad made a concrete stoop. my parents put my hand & foot prints in the cement. 

if I'd begun reading movie magazines at 3 I was more of a baby cinemaddict than even I imagined. perhaps Mom -- who also loved movies -- had read abt Grauman's Chinese Theater. anyway I was doing the Hollywood thing early on.

it was decades before I was in Santa Fe. again a concrete step was being made for my back door. & my partner at the time & I both put out first initial in the cement with an ampersand in between.

flash forward to now. last week I endured a costly & anxiety-producing underground water leak. part of the repair included jackhammering a hole in the middle of the driveway. this morning the workers returnd to fill in the hole. of course I used that opportunity to graumanize my property.

I suspect Palm Springs will never honor me with a star in the sidewalk downtown. my final hometown will live in my work but this may be my lasting physical imprint.

digital broadside

 (Chad Allen Ortiz / Nickerson-Rossi Dance)

Palm Springs International Film Festival 2023

 a dozen days of movies & panels & parties. my kind of thing. I've been going since I moved here & have always enjoyd it but this year's was the best yet.

among the memorable films were "Close" & "Chevalier" & "Driving Madeleine."

& a large thank you to my cousin Regina for the super passes she got which allowd us first entry into screenings as well as numerous extras.

with Regina at the awards gala

with Austin Butler at the Variety brunch

Jane Fonda / Lily Tomlin / Paul Weitz

with Lukas Dhont (director of "Close")

red carpet for closing nite film

Mary Ann Begland (1940-2022)

one of the worst parts of aging is the loss of family & friends. 

yesterday I learnd that the painter Mary Ann Begland died at the end of the year just over.  I met her 55 years ago at Kent State when we were sparkling with the freshness of youth. she & her then husband hung out with me & my then partner. we  bonded immediately. she became one of my favorite conversationalists. unfortunately she & spouse left for Lubbock at end of summer of 1968 for a year. before she left I bought her large & colorful painting "Isadora" which I've enjoyd in my 5 past residences. today it's the first thing I see when I wake.

over the years we saw each other when we cd. I watchd her as single mother raise 2 wonderful boys who became solid men. & we continued to talk. I no longer remember when I startd to call her on the morning of her birthday but it became a tradition we both cherishd.

Mary Ann was the dedicatee of my '70s list poem "Blues." she wrote for my 1996 piece "my first movie." I publishd her art in 2 magazines I edited -- Toucan & Dress. she had a piece in one of my best-known publications -- Six Poems / Seven Prints. & then one of my favorite memories. in 1976 r.j.s. publishd the third & last of my verse journals -- Swimming. I askd Mary Ann to do a cover. I presumed she's do something that wd be printd. instead she paintd by hand 190 covers. I am forever touchd by her generosity in doing this.

I have so many memories of our long friendship -- from her unique sloppy joes to discussions of the latest celebrity suicide.

last may when our hour-long birthday phone chat ended we did what in recent years we had begun to do -- we told each other "I love you."

 

happy holidays

 finishd my morning jacuzzi exercises & abt to get this Xmas kicking in the pool

 interviews can be scary to do

but I think this one came out well:

http://interlitq.org/blog/2022/12/09/alex-gildzen-audio-interview-by-henry-jeannerot/?fbclid=IwAR3cOvfkIe7i6YdSfcapcLeaNlbIhg9jt3M2FjUMdn6Bsb1_x-z7QYbeMaE 

Bernadette Mayer (1945-2022)

 

Ned Rorem (1923-2022)

 I met Ned Rorem so long ago we once got drunk together. that nite is mentiond in "Swimmers Out of Water."

altho he was best known for his music my first attraction to Ned was his writing. there was a time when reading his diaries was de rigueur for the gay cognoscenti. when my name appeard in one of them I felt as if I had a brick in my own house of fame.

in an unpublishd journal I wrote:

        impressions of Ned Rorem on first meeting

        1. looks younger than his years

        2. speech defect noticeable but charming

        (& based on some 5 minutes of conversation:)

        3. appears less arrogant than anticipated

from the beginning he was honest & critical & quite the gossip.

I recall my making him a rueben sandwich & he fixing me scrambled eggs.

if I am a footnote in his life I suspect it wd be that I was the first (& perhaps only?) person to ask him to read from his diaries. that was at Kent State. I also publishd him in "A Festschrift for Djuna Barnes on Her 80th Birthday" & "My First Movie."

as often happens we lost touch over the years.

here's his contribution to "Gildzen at 50" :

Robert Hansen

 how quickly joy can turn to sorrow. abt an hour & a half after acquiring my first Anna May Wong quarter I got the devastating news that Robert Hansen died last nite.

I'm crushd. he was such a kind & generous man. he was a hero in the poetry world. his creation of Poems-for-All brought so much joy to so many. for years now he made little books which he gave to his poets for free to "scatter like seeds." naturally we calld him the Johnny Appleseed of poetry.

I thankd him often for being so supportive of my work. after a piece of mine appeard on a bench in the Palm Springs Public Arts Commission project he creatd the wee book "The Poet's Bench" from photos postd online & surprisd me with it. that was one of the sweetest gifts ever to come to me.

for years now I've been carrying a couple of his little books with me wherever I go. since I no longer have a business card I used these instead. & everyone was so happy to get one. I do believe they are my most popular publications.

 I can't imagine a world without Robert. I will miss those envelopes full of little books & always a note -- usually with his self portrait. I hope he knew how important the work he did was & how much so many poets loved him.

Anna May Wong

 

 it's not unusual to see/hear someone describd as unkempt

but

I honestly can't recall anyone being calld kempt

"Recruiting Sugar Boys"

last week I learnd 3 of my poems were rejectd by editors of an anthology in Germany. yesterday I posted on Facebook that I'd be happy to send a pdf of "The Bob Poems" to anyone who wantd it. one person responded. one.

so how do I endure the hurt of such rejection & disappointment?

I make art (that nobody wants).

"Circles" rolls to an end

 after 11 months this series is complete. I pin'd a bangle to the pocket of a white shirt which I wore to the matinee of "Titanic: The Musical." & once home I stapled it to card stock & added the final penny.

I have to admit that in these last weeks it was a challenge to continue the work because the initial excitement was gone. however after doing the ultimate piece I do feel elation that I was able to make 65 of them.

now back to "Playbill Piece" which I've neglectd of late. I suspect it'll take another year to bring that series to completion. I hope for endurance.

the story of a still

all 4 years of high school I was on the staff of the student newspaper. & for a part of that time I representd the paper on the Hi-Timers. that was a group of area student journalists brought together by the Cleveland Press for various events.

shortly before my 17th birthday I went to that paper's offices for something calld A Day at the Press. each student was assignd a staffer to follow. mine was Stan Anderson -- the paper's film critic. I remember I gave him a tip that Lila Lee was in Elyria & he calld her for a phone interview. before leaving he put down a stack of film stills & told me to take some with me. one was of George Montgomery shirtless & holding a rifle. I think it was from "Watusi."

that image joind 2 others from my boyhood. Aldo Ray in a swimsuit & Sal Mineo showering. that trifecta has been in my head all these decades. they helpd me grow into the gay man I am today.  I saw all of these men during our lives. but Montgomery was the only one with whom I actually spoke. it was my first trip to Palm Springs & by accident I encounterd him at the art museum which was exhibiting products of his careers as actor & artist.

today a friend visiting from NYC wantd to do the local cemeteries. this time I decided to bring with me that still of Montgomery which I'd had for 63 years -- one year longer than this friend has been alive. it was an emotional moment as my movie-mad boyhood danced with my developing sexuality. what a journey.

photo by David Wallace Crotty

the power of photography

 this morning my friend Lisa messaged me some photos which pop'd up in Memories on her phone. they were taken on my only trip to Disneyland. we are with our mutual friend Bob Barnes whose love of all things Disney was only matchd by his adoration for "I Love Lucy."

I had never seen these photos. they are particularly poignant because Bob was so averse to having his photo taken. but here he begins to let down his guard. he was having a great day. & he was sharing his joy with friends who cared deeply for him (even when he verged on crazy which he cd do well).

last nite I "found" some folks from my past via internet searching. I so wantd to write Bob telling him of my excitement & filling him in on some details which I knew he'd find juicy. this still happens. I continue to miss him in my life.

so seeing us being happy on that day brings me comfort. for whatever happens in my next chapter I know I already have novels of living on the shelf.